Movies

Taking inspiration from Janelle, I'm going to try to write at least three lines a day in my blog. This will probably be the majority of my entries, but whatever.

I've watched a lot of movies, mostly in the last half decade or so. This is interesting, when you think about it. The habit started in middle school, when all my friends were watching The Lord of the Rings, and I thought it was super awesome. I can't say that I haven't watched some bad movies, but dag, I watched this one movie last night and it was total Horrorshow.

Like, so unbelievably bad that I couldn't even mock it, I was just horror-stricken at how awful the characters were. And the story was bad. I keep having flashbacks and shuddering. Yeesh. At least I stopped it halfway through or so. I do not care if the main guy was super cute, totes not worth it. I cannot even remember the name of it.

Now I am watching lots of movies by Wes Anderson and watching a lot of Friends episodes with my sister. Just so you know.

Soothing Winter Neuroses

I have been pleased by the snow this winter, because if it's going to be this cold and windy, it had also better be pretty. But still, I've been feeling a bit ragged. I've been victim to a seemingly never ending cold, feeling insecure about my winter ham-arms and pot-belly, and mentally taxed by college. I cannot tell you how worried it makes me feel that my success in transitioning from college to life seems to be amusing and making friends with my teachers. I am The Worst at amusing strangers! And I said more crazy things to my sister's friends because I was nervous and I never know what to say to anybody.

I was worrying these things over in my mind, sullenly tromping back to the dorm after class Friday when several of my Happy Place songs came on, I saw a quote that soothed me, took a nap, ate lunch with my mom, laughed a lot over a dumb movie, sighed happily about a cute guy with my sister, listened to a sermon at Vespers that encouraged rather than guilt-tripped me, and just felt. Better. So amazing.

Have some music!







"God doesn't call us to be extraordinary; He calls us to be faithful."

A Creature of Comforting Habits

A lot of the time when I'm feeling overwhelmed or just weepy and I don't know why, I'll sit down and talk quietly to myself (in my head, not aloud). I'll say "Okay. What is the problem, and what can I do to calm myself down to solve it?" A lot of the time it isn't anything I can deal with at that moment in time, it's just a general sense of anxiety I've created by falling slightly short at a variety of probably impossible goals I'd set for myself earlier. Finish all my homework reading for the week, clean most or all of the house, finish a project, go exercise, and then go talk to some professors that you're terrified of because they're adults and you don't know them, all in one day. And then maybe you can relax. Only of course I don't finish it all, so I don't relax and just feel bad, and guilty.

I have four(ish) main moods: Fear, Guilt, Excitement, and Hope. Most of my time lately has been spent in the first two moods, and a lot of the time I can't figure out whether that would cease to be the case if I tried harder to solve my problems and self-doubts, or if I should just continue comforting myself like I do. The things I've been doing lately to comfort myself include:

1. Making lists
2. Writing out in cursive the lyrics to songs I listen to a lot (mostly Slow Club, songs from Paul Simon's "Graceland" album, and Neutral Milk Hotel's "Holland 1945")
3. Trying to perfect my Chocolate Cake in a Cup recipe
4. Reorganizing my bookshelf
5. Watching Wes Anderson's movies, especially "Rushmore," and Sofia Coppola's "Marie Antoinette." This is partly because I love beyond reason the look of those movies, with their very determined color palettes and carefully ordered sets, and partly because I for some reason suddenly have A Thing for Jason Schwartzman.
6. Reading David Sedaris, Anne Lamott, Sarah Vowell, and other essayists I love.

Number five has been especially popular, lately. I would watch those movies again with someone in a heartbeat.

I worry a lot that I am wasting time doing these things, putting off what actually be done, but I am so worn out from worrying. I don't know.