A Creature of Comforting Habits

A lot of the time when I'm feeling overwhelmed or just weepy and I don't know why, I'll sit down and talk quietly to myself (in my head, not aloud). I'll say "Okay. What is the problem, and what can I do to calm myself down to solve it?" A lot of the time it isn't anything I can deal with at that moment in time, it's just a general sense of anxiety I've created by falling slightly short at a variety of probably impossible goals I'd set for myself earlier. Finish all my homework reading for the week, clean most or all of the house, finish a project, go exercise, and then go talk to some professors that you're terrified of because they're adults and you don't know them, all in one day. And then maybe you can relax. Only of course I don't finish it all, so I don't relax and just feel bad, and guilty.

I have four(ish) main moods: Fear, Guilt, Excitement, and Hope. Most of my time lately has been spent in the first two moods, and a lot of the time I can't figure out whether that would cease to be the case if I tried harder to solve my problems and self-doubts, or if I should just continue comforting myself like I do. The things I've been doing lately to comfort myself include:

1. Making lists
2. Writing out in cursive the lyrics to songs I listen to a lot (mostly Slow Club, songs from Paul Simon's "Graceland" album, and Neutral Milk Hotel's "Holland 1945")
3. Trying to perfect my Chocolate Cake in a Cup recipe
4. Reorganizing my bookshelf
5. Watching Wes Anderson's movies, especially "Rushmore," and Sofia Coppola's "Marie Antoinette." This is partly because I love beyond reason the look of those movies, with their very determined color palettes and carefully ordered sets, and partly because I for some reason suddenly have A Thing for Jason Schwartzman.
6. Reading David Sedaris, Anne Lamott, Sarah Vowell, and other essayists I love.

Number five has been especially popular, lately. I would watch those movies again with someone in a heartbeat.

I worry a lot that I am wasting time doing these things, putting off what actually be done, but I am so worn out from worrying. I don't know.